As We Go

at bed bath and beyond, she had never seen me like this, already swallowing my breath to hold it together, when she snapped at my blank stare and lack of engagement, i started bawling. as I stepped through the automatic sliding doors tellin gher we could stay in the store, she yelled at me and told me how inconsiderate I was. the sane part of me was appalled that anyone would ever yell at a crying person. 

through the dim i heard her say, “You can only do so much, so what, he might just kill himself.” 

the best thing anyone ever said to me was, “you’re sick, you need help.”

needless to say, he is right handed.

sitting it my desk of normalcy. I have battled my mind to get here. but I know what it’s like to fight people away from you. though now contained, i have known the tempest.

most people ignore difficult people. I invite them in and hen get hurt. why do I do that?

“it’s your need to see the good in others.”

“Put her through to vociemail!” “What’s going on?” Unwavering, unapologetic, “I don’t do crazy.”

Life as mission v. profession as mission. Jesus had 12 stable community members, and then 2, and then one. Then had ministry. The insane were not his confidants.

I don’t think we need to make sense to the unstable person.

Friends with the unstable out of a need for friends?

Are you going to live the rest of your life with a chip on your shoulder?

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enoug

“Do you like it?” — Being a 20-something in today’s job economy

An Arranged Marriage: Thoughts on growing up in the church

a blog about not letting crazy people define you, including the counterfeit money analogy

I have no grace, absolutely none, for people who should know better.

None.

It’s like my whole life I was taught to garden a certain way, so I kept trying and trying, because it’s what I was taught, but the plants kept dying and I kept wondering why.

And then I looked across the way at the person whose garden bore fruit and started incorporating their techniques into my own plot of land. It seemed to be working but it was nothing like what I was told was right so I didn’t like it. I didn’t feel like their way SHOULD be working. But the proof was in the pudding or whatever that phrase is. 

So I went a little closer and finally chatted with the gardener. Started asking questions. And the more I learned, the more uncomfortable I got, but the more successful my garden was. 

And that’s where I am — uncomfortable because I wish the ways I was taught worked (but they don’t) but excited because my life seems on the cusp of harvest. It all seems experimental.

I freak out about things that aren’t real because at one point something was real that shouldn’t have been.

And after that, anything is possible.

Entering a weird place of “for the first time I get there is nothing wrong with me” mixed with “ok so what does that knowledge free me to do now” mixed “omg omg I really hope this works.” 

Seriously ladies (seriously), stop rehashing. It’s your only hope of ever moving on.

Perhaps what I really want to do is write a book called “Everything that Hinders” and write about making progress through “throwing off” things that it looks like we are supposed to keep…referring mainly to the purposeful breaking of relationships with family and friends. When we are told to love and only love, where is the line? What if these relationships are holding you back?

Hebrew 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us”

I think other people just avoid things they don’t like and never talk about it where as I try to discover WHY I don’t like something and then process my thinking out loud! Which makes me seem super negative and like I don’t like a lot of things when all it really is is curiosity…

there is a part of me…shhhhh, don’t tell….that doesn’t think I will ever find what I am looking for.